
Get Lost
In Venice,          the best advice and probably the oldest advice anyone can give you is          to get lost. Don't take offense. Take it literally! One of the safest          cities in Europe, you should feel free to wander the streets day or night          without a shred of fear. As a woman who often travels solo, Venice is          a heavenly experience for this reason alone. Be wild. Leave the map in          the hotel room. "If you don't know where you want to go any road          will take you there," is a traditional African proverb that will          work wonders for you in The Serene Republic of Venice. With that hot tip          out of the way, I can get to sharing with you a few of my less profound          thoughts and experiences with La Serenissima. Enjoy.
Great Expectations
The first          time I visited Venice was also my first trip to Europe, in the fall of          2000. It was a whirlwind trip; Paris to Verona to Venice to Florence to          Marseilles and back to Paris with a friend who'd lived and traveled extensively          throughout Western Europe and who had ceased to sigh or be impressed.          Having spent 25 years dreaming through travel magazines and coffee table          books about what certain cities around the world must be like in person,          I had high expectations for this place called Venice. It looked hopelessly          romantic and a true timeless beauty, despite the crumbling facades and          water-logged ground floors. I wanted it to be as pretty as the pictures          and to make my spine tingle with glee at the first sight of it. And to          her credit, she did not disappoint. Referred to often as a woman, I'll          go with the historical flow and do the same. Though I am not a lesbian,          this is most certainly a lady that any girl could fall in love with. And          so I did. Stepping through the doors and down the steps to the square          outside the train station, I think I actually had to choke back tears          of delight and boundless joy. It was love at first sight and after four          trips, two of which were for a month at a time, I don't have a bad thing          to say about this long distance relationship. Venice is a city to adore,          and so she has been by countless numbers over her long history. From her          youth into the graceful charm of old age, people come to see, people come          to stay, people come and fall in love. And if they're lucky as I have          been, they come back. Again and again until they don't know if this is          the sixth time or the sixteenth. Because there is always more. More shortcuts          and dead end streets to discover. A museum you didn't have time for last          year. Another gelato from Da Nico. Another print from Bac Art and some          quality time with the owners' adorable Jack Russells, Stella and Ottone.          And maybe          just a few more sheets of handmarbled paper from Alberto Valese or Paolo          Olbi. 
Ditto
Mary McCarthy said essentially the same thing in the 1960s: "Nothing          can be said here, including this statement, that has not been said before."          Ditto that, indeed. With all that's been written and all the photos that          have been taken, you'd think there was nothing special to see or feel          here that you couldn't cull from an existing book or picture. And still          people take pictures and pen prose about the old girl. A fact which screams          how special this city is in all its redundant, touristic, and historic          glory. Don't skip it and don't breeze in on a day trip. Give it the time          and the attention that a city of its stature and allure deserves. Spend          at least a couple nights or more, at a minimum. Although Venice is a quintessentially          expensive town, remember that this is Europe and it's often possible to          strike a deal with smaller hotels, pensions, and B&Bs. If you're staying          for a total of seven nights or more in any season, you can more than likely          score a discount of 10% to 20% or even more. This might not pan out in          high season, but it never hurts to ask. And offer to pay in cash. That          can also net you a discounted rate. Too bad wheeling and dealing like          this isn't more common Stateside. Oh vell. Back to Venice before I veer          off into a diatribe about the cost of accommodations in Hawaii these days.
Is That a Fact?
Did you know that in 18th century Venice, masks were an integral part          of the daily attire? Like wigs, fans, and beauty spots, Venetians sported          masks on a daily basis. Such was the custom from October to Lent, except          for the nine days before Christmas. Everyone wore a mask: from the doge          to the market maiden selling vegetables. It might also interest you to          know that Venice is composed of 118 islands, 200 canals, and 400 bridges.          It was an independent republic for the thousand years between 697 (the          year of the first Doge) and 1797 (when Napoleon strolled in and abolished          the republic, then sold it to the Austrians); a record for independent          rule that may well remain unbroken. Of the 66,000 residents in Venice          proper today, 28,000 are over 60 years old and 3,768 are children (these          figures were current as of 2003). Or how about this. In 16th century Venice,          at the dawn of tourism, the city had 11,654 registered tax-paying prostitutes.          Pretty pazzo, eh? 'Pazzo' is Italian for crazy, by the way.
ESL Entertainment
CNN World News Italian weather correspondent on Hurricane Rita: "The          sea is upset, it is getting much worse as the hours come by."
Boldest Beggars on Earth
A bold and          fearless pigeon nearly pecked my eyes out in a crafty peck-to-kill operation          to eliminate me and then enjoy my two thin crust slices of spinach and          ricotta pizza for himself. Shaken at first, I wasn't having it and he          sauntered off in defeat; only to attack someone else further down the          way for a sandwich.
Unwanted Affection
I was meandering back to my hotel after walking a friend to the train          station and I was exhausted. I got lost and caught up in a crowd of people          made to wait while a group of drunk and singing young Italians took a          photo or five. When they finally allowed the crowd to pass through, one          of the drunkest (and least attractive) grabbed me from behind and swung          me around to kiss me sloppily on the cheek. *Snap* Someone took a picture.          I let it go and asked him the time. I had to be back at a certain time          to meet another friend for dinner. "For you, my Polynesian principessa,          the time is 6:35 in the evening." Great. Thanks. He then grabbed          me for another kiss, but seeing that he was aiming closer to the bocca          I pushed him away and remarked, "Ma dai. Cazzo. Che sboro!"          From the look of horror in his eyes, I could tell that this was not the          response he'd expected. His friends and I had a good laugh and I went          on my way. (I can barely speak a lick of decipherable Italian, but boy          can I curse like a proper Venetian sailor; which is, to say, like the          typical gondolier.)
Cursing up a Storm
One of the fun things about really getting to know a place that you're          visiting overseas is making friends and learning the language. I took          junior high and high school French, three years of high school German,          and a year of college level Spanish. I've managed to retain enough French          and Spanish to get by comfortably, but my memory of German was vaporized          at some point between high school graduation and my 30th birthday. Although          I have no prior experience with Italian, I've developed a basic understanding          and can generally feign my way successfully through most conversations          and Italian television programming. The one bit of Italian that I have          come close to mastering, and would indeed consider myself to be something          of an expert on, is cursing. In learning the language and local dialect          from my Venetian friends, I inevitably honed in on and asked questions          about words or phrases I heard them using but could not translate or understand.          I happen to have quite an ear for the profane, it would seem. Here's a          brief look at some of the dirtier bits of Italian that I picked up (and          at times put to good use):
Cacchio: A "softer" version of cazzo; perhaps more like dick or prick.
Fica: Vulgar euphamism for the female cazzo counterpart.
Figlio di puttana: Son of a bitch.
Merda: Shit.
Testa di merda: Shithead.
Minchia: The Sicilian version of cazzo.
Che Sboro: Something so graphically and specifically crass with regard to the male anatomy and its reproductive functionality, that I'm too shy and prudish to even translate it for you here, online. But I'm sure you can find another site that does. In fact, About.com has a great Italian adult slang dictionary. The entry you're looking for is sbrodare. Enjoy.
Vaffanculo: Fuck off! Fuck you!
Vacca: A vulgar way to call a cow or a woman.
Stronzo(a): The rough equivalent asshole or bitch.
Quella vacca di tua madre (Italian) / Quea vaca de to mare (Venetian dialect):
Need I translate this, really?
Rompipalle: One who breaks the balls. A ball breaker.
Andate tutti a 'fanculo!: You can all go fuck yourselves!
Nessuno me lo ficca in culo!: Nobody fucks me up the ass!
Tua madre si da per niente!: Your mother gives it away!
The Marine Gigolo Has Lost His Marbles
I overheard a group of Canadian tourists talking while we all waited for          the vaporetto back to Venice, on Murano. This one guy said, "I've          traveled around the world three times as a marine gigolo... I teach bridge          or dancing for a few hours a day and the cruise is free, for me. I've          been doing this since I retired 20 years ago. It's a great exchange. I'm          going on a three-week cruise of the Greek Islands next week... Bridge?          Oh, anyone can play bridge so long as you've got at lease a few marbles          left."
All in the Familia
On the vaporetto home to Lido, these three 16-year-olds got on and sat          in front of me. The boat was packed to overflowing. It was the end-of-day          commute hour. The three adolescents in question comprised a guy and two          girls; twins. The guy was on the left end, then the twins to his right.          He starts making out with the one sitting next to him, his hand affectionately          stroking the hair of the twin on the far end. Everyone was staring, confused.          The twin on the far end was massaging his back. At first I thought, "Girl          in the middle, you haven't got a clue what's going on. You poor, pimple-prone          thing! Your scampy sister and your man are going at it, behind your back.          Literally!" Then I thought, "Well, Europeans are more affectionate          in general, so maybe this is normal." But then, a few minutes later          the boy leans over to kiss the twin at the far end as the twin in the          middle necks her sister. Everyone on the vaporetto was mortified, and          riveted; men, women, and a large under-age audience of varying ages—the          whole lot of us. You just don't see something like that every day.
Will this really          inspire people to go out and breed?
CNN correspondent and expert discussing France's recent tax-break to couples          having a second or third or fourth (or fourteenth) child: "But Charles,          is this recent move by the French government really going to have an impact          on the dwindling population in France? Will this really inspire people          to go out and breed?" They went on to discuss similar attempts to          inspire "breeding" throughout Europe, as the population replenishment          across the continent continues to plummet. "Charles, in your expert          opinion, can Europe or will Europe ever recover?" Without hesitation,          Charles: "No."
Kinda Cannibalism
I watched a seagull eat a dead pigeon one afternoon. Technically that's          kinda cannibalism, yes? Like a gorilla eating monkey brains. It made me          kinda queasy.
Sobbing Stilettos
All of the women on all of the soap operas here wear spikey toed, three          inch+ heeled stilettos. And all of them are crying in every other          scene.          I don't know how it happened, but I got hooked. I just had to know what          was upsetting all these women. You know? Lucky for me the lady on the          plane ride home had become similarly addicted over her vacation and we          were able to compare notes and fill the other in on missed episodes. Too          bad we'll never know how all the drama ended. We have our hunches though.
Cycling Stilettos
I went to Padova for the afternoon one weekend. Sitting and eating a gelato          I counted no fewer than 36 women on bikes cycle by me, in stilettos. No          helmets.
Just Passing Through
I've always been fascinated with the phenomenon of "passing."          Historically, light-skinned Blacks were occasionally able to "pass"          for White and reap the social and economic benefits therein, in pre and          post Civil War America. It's an odd state of being, sometimes, when you          realize that you don't to fit neatly into the racial or ethnic boxes that          so many people hold up as the standard or only options. While I have been          known to encourage an erroneous ethnic assumption or two (most often in          Hawai'i to enjoy various kama'aina discounts and privileges), I more often          find myself inadvertently "passing" for a whole host of racial          and ethnic groups, or some combination thereof. I don't find this out,          often times, until I get asked "the question" (as I like to          call it).
According to Merriam-Webster,          race may be defined as, "a family, tribe, people, or nation belonging          to the same stock; a class or kind of people unified by community interests,          habits or characteristics 
California,          a Nice Town
One of the Senegalese faux bag peddlers asked me where I was from. "Ah,          California. A nice town."
Niggers          are Dangerous
I don't know that I would call it a benefit, but another odd feature of          both intentional and innocently mistaken racial or ethnic identity is          the off-color comments and opinions that one overhears or, in exceptionally          weird situations, is the direct recipient thereof. You find that you are          like a secret agent of sorts; when people don't know "what"          you are—whether or not you know that they don't know—they          can feel very comfortable (sometimes too comfortable) and free to engage          you in an open and frank discussion wherein they express any number of          sentiments or theories relating to one of the peoples who makes up your          person in such a manner that you might find highly offensive (and often          do). I will give you two examples. In college, I had a lovely group of          East Indian American friends who, I found out a year or so into the friendships,          assumed that I too was of East Indian origins. I only discovered this          because out one night having a good time, the mood turned hostile when          a series of not-so-nice jokes about Black people were casually shared          and received with howling laughter and follow-up comments in equally poor          taste. In a silent furor, I tried to decide whether to say something and          what. Before I could decide on a plan of action and assemble a collection          of carefully chosen words, the group noticed my changed demeanor and inquired          as to what might be the matter. And so it went. (They were all quite shocked          to learn of my actual, largely West African American slave origins and          the small Red as opposed to Yellow Indian elements. Yadda, yadda, yadda,          all was eventually forgiven, but not forgotten, and we managed to remain          good friends.)
On this trip, however,          I had my first encounter with the n-word. I truly didn't see it coming.          I was having a pleasant enough conversation with an Italian girl about          cities in Italy that I have yet to visit. I simply said that every Italian          I'd met had warned me never to venture to Naples without a friend or a          small posse because it is so exceptionally dangerous in Naples, in their          Northern Italian opinion. The girl with whom I was pleasantly conversing          then said, "Naples is dangerous? Milan is dangerous." Milan?          Why Milan? How is it dangerous? "You see all of these people selling          the fake bags in Venice? The niggers from Africa? Well Milan is full of          niggers. And niggers are dangerous. Very dangerous." Reeeeally. You          don't say (well, you wouldn't have said that to me if you'd known I was          part nigger, myself—nearly 50% by blood and 100%-so according to the American "one drop rule.") Frankly, the girl          was lucky I'm not fully Red Indian (or what's more offensive, In'jun?); I was very tempted to locate the nearest          sharp object and pull a Pochahontas (i.e., scalp her). Or, it was later          pointed out to me, I could have simply beat her ass and walked away without          so much as a word. Leaving her on the floor in the fetal position bewildered          and confused at how such a sweet brown-skinned, but non-nigger-looking          girl had suddenly become so violently dangerous. Instead I just let it          go. It was my last day in Venice and I didn't want it further marred by          taking this ignorant chick to school. For all I know she wasn't even aware          that the word is offensive. To say nothing of her statement that Black          people are dangerous. Anyhow. You see how things can get a little dicey          in passing, so to speak.
Cruising
Dwarfing the buildings by several stories, watching cruise ships roll          in and out of Venice is certainly something to behold. Never gets old.          Always surreal. And always fun to stand on the Riva degli Schiavoni with          a crowd of other onlookers, waving a warm welcome or bidding a fond farewell.
Under Construction
One good reason to revisit Venice as often as possible is that something          you want to see is always, inevitably going to be closed or scaffolded          for renovation. A few of the pictures I was hoping to take are therefore          impossible, on this trip. For the last three years (and thus the last          three trips), for example, the bell tower in Piazza San Marco has been          blocked by scaffolding. Midway through this trip, scaffolding went up          to envelop one of my favorite churches, that of San Zaccharia.
La Biennale di Venezia
The Venice Biennale is an international art exhibition-competition-festival,          citywide-megaplex-museum sort of thing. Although I've been in Venice during          several Biennale's, I'd never been to the main exhibits at the Italian          Pavilion in the Giardini or the other large exhibition space at the Arsenale.          In addition to these two main event spaces, there are artists from all          over the world on exhibit all over the city. It's insane and overwhelming          and a few of the smaller satellite exhibits are typically all I've been          able to handle (I'm not a big big-museum person, I prefer smaller museums;          been to the Louvre twice in total for maybe two hours in all). The satellite          exhibits are usually free. The two main events are not free. This year,          due to a foul week of rain, I splurged and spent 15 whole Euros to see          some of the most disturbing, hilarious, and nightmare-inducing art around.          Most of it is unworthy of mention. But there were a few highlights: a          hilarious faux trailer for a faux remake of Gore Vidal's Caligula, a video          titled "Skin" in which a woman shaves herself head to toe (eyebrows,          hair, pits, beaver, legs; everything) and then proceeds to walk around          town (strangely there was a large congregation of men "appreciating"          this particular piece d'art), a 20-plus foot chandelier fashioned entirely          of (unused) tampons, an elevated walk-through tunnel covered entirely          (both walls and the ceiling) in (used) teabags, a walk-through wind tunnel          that all of the perfectly coiffed women (except me) avoided, the Guerilla          Girls.
Shitty Art
A Venetian friend asked me how the Biennale was and I told him it was          a collection of weird, quasi-artistic curiosities, at best. He shook his          head and rolled his eyes in complete understanding and told me that he          went once, many years ago, and has never ventured back since. One year,          he said, scandal ensued when an artist used actual excrement as the material          for a sculpture. What did this brilliant, cutting-edge sculptor fashion          with all of the merde he'd collected, you ask? A huge pile of shit, of          course. That's definitely worth 15 Euros to see (and likely to smell,          as well; although my friend assured me that by the time of the exhibition,          it was a dry and odorless pile of shit). Don't you think?
XXX Art
The same friend then told me that another year there was a similar stink          because some equally quacky artist used live, nude men and women in his          piece de perfection. In some cases the men and women were just posing          as fleshy sculptures, but in other cases... and keep in mind that the          Biennale is a non-rated art event, allowing children of all ages, with          or without adult supervision (during my two-day visit there were in fact          international packs of teens running wild through the whole thing yelling          and screaming with laughter, in many cases)... In other cases the men          and women were doing the freak nasty for everyone to "appreciate"          and ponder, under the guise of "art." Since when are live sex          shows art and not plain old porn? Anyway, I had a good laugh with my friend          and noted that the teens likely had a good time at the Biennale that          year.
Public Art and Expression
While Venice is undoubtedly a beautiful city, it is nonetheless a city.          As a major tourist center and a living, breathing town full of life, one          should expect all the charms and disappointments of an urban landscape.          Venice may feel rural and removed at times, but do not be misled. Venice          is a major city. Like Paris, New York, London, et al ad nauseum, Venice          is home to that international adolescent who finds it perfectly acceptable          to go against the grain (and the law) in the name of public self-expression.          Meaning graffiti. Sometimes achieving the profound or the surreal, most          often these displays are loud and awful, unartistic and ugly. After so          many visits to Venice I have accepted it as a part of the city and even,          at times, found it to be the subject of my photographs. Graffiti in one          form or another has existed since the time of the Romans, the Egyptians,          and probably even earlier. No longer chiseled or carved into stone walls,          it's now painted on in bright, vivid colors. Love it or hate it, graffiti          is going to be a part of your experience in Venice.
Si, Sono Americana
One thing that traveling has taught me is that I am undoubtedly (for better          or worse) American. Although I enjoy these three to four-week photo-extravaganza          stints elsewhere, I no longer have regrets about not doing a study abroad          trip in college or the desire to pack up and move to Italy. A month at          a time without access to kitchen facilities of my own, here and there,          elsewhere, is often plenty for me. There have passed overseas moments,          for example, when I would have happily paid as much as 50 Euros for a          single taco or a burrito or some good Thai, Chinese, or Indian food (if          said fare were to suddenly materialize). I'd even do cartwheels for Japanese          food at certain points (not my favorite world cuisine, but when it's good          it is good). If I could afford it I'd fly to Paris just to have a falaffel          on the Rue des Rosiers at L'As du Falaffel. At least in France you have          a bit more variety in the way of food available. Italy is just so... blandly          Italian (when you're hungry and wanting something spicy and non-Italian,          in particular). We're spoiled by the variety of good food available, every          day; especially in California. My Venetian friends are (understandably)          afraid of Indian and Chinese food; only having tried both once or twice          here in Italy. I urged them to come visit me Stateside one day and promised          them that the Far East eats would be better (edible) in California. They          remain skeptical.
Caffé Culture
Two hundred years ago Piazza San Marco had 27 coffee houses. Florian's          and Quadri's are the only two surviving 18th century coffee houses on          the square.
Caffé          Quadri
I'd never sat at Quadri's or Florian's (too expensive for a still-establishing-herself-and-intermittently-starving          artist), but a friend trained in from Verona to spend the day with me          and we splurged. The tab came to 26,50 euros for a moro (coffee, hot chocolate,          and cream, for me), a cappuccino (for her), and the "fee" for          the privilege of sitting at a Quadri table (as opposed to loitering in          the square for free, like everyone else) while listening to the live,          outdoor orchestra. I have to say that in the end it was a decidedly delightful          experience that we managed to stretch out over a number of warm, sunny          hours. If you're going to spend that much on liquids and music, you may          as well take your sweet time and truly enjoy it with a friend or a good          book.
Snippets and Bits
I overheard these things either walking around, on the vaporetto, at a          caffé, or outside my window at the Ca' del Dose. For whatever reason          they amused me and/or are typical of what you overhear all the time, in          Venice.
"Two more bridges and I'm done." (American)
"We'll make it if we go slowly." (American with a Texas-sounding          accent)
"They've got mirrors to hold so you don't have to crane your neck          in order to view the Tiepolo's and Tintoretto's and such on the ceiling.          Isn't that lovely, dear?" (British accent)
"I think we got ripped off by about 15 euros, each. Maybe 25. I hate          this city. I'm so fucking ready to go home. No. I take that back. I hate          Europe." (American)
"I had no idea Venice was so big." (Australian)
"What a beautiful city," says a woman.
"Yes, the most beautiful," replies the man. (Italians speaking          in Italian)
"I haven't a clue how to get back." (American)
"Dude, maybe we should go back the way we came." (American surfer-sounding          teens)
"Frank, pull out the map for god's sake. We're lost." (Americans)
"Sharon, it could be midnight before we find the hotel and it's pouring          rain. We're screwed. Completely screwed." (Americans at approximately          11PM, outside my Ca' del Dose window)
Better Late Than Never
I was sitting and reading in the late afternoon sunshine on the campo          at the end of the Calle del Dose and two women sitting on the next bench          asked me the time. One introduced herself to me as Sophia from Ontario,          Canada and we got to talking. She told me that she and her best friend          were on the "European Tour" which, I learned, means a whirlwind          trip across Europe in the span of about three weeks (London-Paris-Barcelona-Nice-Venice-Rome-Vienna-etc.)          "I should have taken this trip when I was 40, not 70. But better          late than never, right?" Instant fans of my financially unstable,          photographer-artist, globe-trotting lifestyle, they demanded my email          address and pledged the desire to buy a copy of the handmade limited edition          book on Venice that I'd begin working on when I returned home. "I'm          sure this is the one and only trip in my life that I will take to Venice,          to all of these cities most probably. I'm old and I'm tired and I really          should have traveled more when I was younger. I don't know why I didn't.          But what you're doing is wonderful and I would love to share a few of          your memories and make them my own. I'm so glad to meet you." Very          nice women and confirmation that it's okay to both follow your dreams          and live today, rather than postponing some of the best bits of life until          you're too creaky and exhausted to enjoy them as you would have liked.
Friday the 17th
I learned from an Italian frend that 17 is the unlucky number in Italy,          not 13. "I don't know why, but it's 17 here. Only in Italy. Thirteen          everywhere else. Even in Spain. Here we do not have number 17 apartments          or floors in buildings and such, for the most part. That is why. It is          very unlucky. But I was born on the 17th of May, so I know it is a silly          superstition!"
"I was stoned          in Berkeley, once."
I was standing in line for the campanile in Piazza San Marco and the straight-laced,          late 40-something couple in front of me asked if I knew what time the          campanile opened. They were from Seattle. I said I was from Berkeley.          The man immediately informed me, "I was stoned in Berkeley, once.          I was in the navy, stationed at Alameda. My friends and I had gone to          a movie in Berkeley, I think it was a documentary on Woodstock. This was          in 1970 or so. Anyway, we were all stoned and there was an earthquake          during the movie. This big chandelier overhead was shaking and everything.          But I was so stoned I thought it was the guy in the seat behind me, kicking          my chair. It was really trippy." His wife had this look of horror          on her face, and just said, "I didn't know him then. And I was a          good girl." Sure, sure.
Censorship in          Italy? Fuck that!
There is in fact little to no censorship on Italian TV or radio, I've          learned. I watched the Italian movie Natale sul Nilo one night          on regular (non-cable) TV and was both proud (my Italian needs more than          a lot of work, so the following is for me a feat) and shocked to pick          out "cazzo," "cacchio," and "va fan culo"          from the more titillating bits of dialogue. This, however, did not compare          to the shock and lack of pride I felt on numerous trips to the supermarket          and to a small card shop in picturesque Bassano del Grappa where the radio          belted out the latest British and American hits, in uncensored English.          In Bassano I was the lone tourist and therefore the only one in the shop          to take in and appreciate the tasteless misogyny, set to a catchy, toe-tapping          beat: "Fuck you you hoe, you treated me wack. Fuck you you bitch,          I don't want you back…" In the grocery stores though, on more          than one occasion, I overheard Americans or Brits or Aussies express a          similar state of appall that such music would be played a) on the radio,          uncensored, and b) in a supermarket, of all places. But then, we're in          Italy and the average Italian is far from possessing a fluent command          of the English language. So really, they could care less. (I have a sneaking          suspicion that the kids know what this stuff means and think it's "cool."          Like their similarly lost and vapid American or generally English-speaking          counterparts. Egads.)
Headbands... For Men
One particular style (passing fad, I hope) here that I couldn't help but          notice (and dislike) is headbands on men. Not fabric headbands like the          soccer players or other athletes sometimes wear. I mean the hard plastic          colored headbands of varying girths that I wore when I was in elementary          school. It's a not uncommon accessory here for the men with that stereotypically          Italian long, but not too long, but not short haircut. Renaissance-retro,          I call it. You know what I mean. Think David. But with a headband.
O' Madonna!
I told you early on that Venice has just over 60,000 residents. Guess          how many tourists Venice sees each year? No fewer than 14 million. Mamma          mia that's a lotta people!
Pee for Free
If you find yourself in Venice and needing to use the WC but don't want          to use one of the 70-cent or 1+ euro paying sort found about town or at          the train station, relax. Dart into Quadri's if you're in the San Marco          area (far nicer than Florian's loo, across the piazza) or into the cafe          bathroom at the train station. Generally speaking, cafes with a bustling          business won't ask you any questions because they won't know for sure          if you're a paying customer or not. So look as innocent as possible and          just... go.
Even the Blind See the Beauty
I was walking, strolling quite slowly, really, down a street and admiring          the doors and the bricks and the random beauty. There was a smallish crowd          of three people huddled in front of a majestic old door with visibly worn          brass fixtures. A silver haired woman was fondling the door knocker that          I could plainly see was the head of an old, brass lion. A split-second          later I noticed her walking stick and the way her friend was holding and          guiding her arm up to the lion. "It's so delicate, the face and the          mane. He's beautiful. Exquisite," she said. She was blind, but only          in the obvious way. Like me, she was a tourist in Venice. Come to see,          come to experience, come to appreciate the beauty. It was one of those          unexpected and poignant lapses in time that instantly effects you and          you won't soon forget ( i.e., I started crying and had to continue on,          on my walk).
Lunch on a Bench
I went to the store and bought a bit of a particular Italian salami I          consider to be a little slice of heaven (15 slices, to be exact), along          with fresh bread and cheese. I picked a bench and a campo and parked it          there to eat my cardiac-arresting lunch. A boy and girl of about 9 and          10 sat down next to me and, prattling in German, proceeded to feed several          slices of bread to an increasingly large flock of winged rats. Several          minutes later after I'd completed my picnic and started scribbling notes          in my journal, some asshole (a teenager) came bolting into the square          with the aim of scaring away the pigeons. He succeeded in his mission          and the three of us, the two kids and myself, screamed in unison as the          birds flew directly at us in a rabid flurry of fear. Luckily no one was          bird-bombed in the process and (so far as I'm aware) we also (narrowly)          escaped infection from a bout of the latest strain of avian flu.
Buried Alive
I witnessed three (quite stupid) boys of about 12 or 13 lie down in the          middle of St. Mark's Square while a fourth young man (stupid, but clearly          slightly smarter as he wasn't among those lying in pigeon shit) proceeded          to pour bag after bag of corn over his friends. Covered in corn, the three          idiots were quickly covered in pigeons. Buried in pigeons, in fact. Being          pecked to death, it appeared, by each and every bird who could get a beak          within striking range. You couldn't see the boys, for the pigeons. And          myself an idiot, I didn't have my camera.
Blame the Chinese
I think the Chinese are blamed both jokingly and in earnest for more than          a few things, in Venice. I've encountered many shopkeepers who say that          more and more of the glass items are not made on Murano or in Venice,          but are imported fakes from China. Glass shops are bought or opened by          Chinese merchants and they do not support the local glass workers; they          import the cheap crap from China. And then there's the curiosity about          what's happened to Venice's cats. Molin, the cat who frequents the campo          behind the Ca' del Dose and who all the locals of the 'hood know and love          was missing for three days. One such local was asking everyone if they'd          seen him, recently. "Marisa, have you seen Molin? I hope the Chinese          didn't get him." She laughed when she said this (in Italian), but          I got the feeling she was only half kidding. On another occasion I was          talking to another Venetian friend about some of the wonderful cats I'd          met and photographed on this visit and he told me that 10 or 12 years          ago Venice had a significantly larger population of miniature lions. "I          don't know what happened. All I know is that the Chinese started moving          into Venice in large numbers around that time, and the number of cats          then plummeted." He smirked and said he was only kidding, although          these are the facts and no one knows why the feral cat population (always          fed and loved by the Venetians) has dwindled in recent years; coinciding          with a spike in the Chinese immigrant population.
Amore Mio!
   In a small quiet canal near the Via Garibaldi on a Sunday morning, a father          and son were walking to grandpa's house. The little boy couldn't have          been more than 3 or 4. "Nonno! (grandfather)" he started yelling,          when he saw his grandfather standing in his boat. "Amore mio!"          the grandfather bellowed, at a very high volume; he sang it moreso than          he said it. The grandfather kept singing, "Amore mio! Amore mio!"          in a bellowing base.
Ciao Papa
   One morning while I was out wandering in search of my next photo-opp,          I heard a chirping "Ciao, papa! Ciao, papa!" from a balcony          above. I craned my head upward to see a boy and a girl (twins about four          or five years old, I think) leaning through the marble balcony and calling          down to their father who was preparing himself to float off to work in          his little blue boat, below.
Campari Red Passion
        Thanks to Michelle Marcos and David James, to kind and attentive random          readers of my travel drivel who took the time to find and email me a link,          you can now view for yourself my favorite Italian commercial from this          particular trip to Venice. It's an ad for Campari Red Passion. Check it out. But be warned: it's a bit racy.
Walking on Water
         The rain was so heavy for so long one morning that nearly every corner          of the city seemed to hover at the brink of biblical flooding. Along the          Grand Canal I got off the vaporetto at San Zaccharia and walked down the          wooden plank pier thing to "land"; slightly scary and remarkably          akin to walking on water. The water was exactly level with the pier. Just          beginning to slosh over and submerge it into the murky green canal. Then          there's the acqua alta catwalk action one has often to maneuver in such          situations. Walking on those planks they set out when flooding occurs          is no walk in the park. With only one long series of planks for all traffic          both coming and going (and when you factor in all the people with suitcases          and generally oversized luggage it really gets hairy) to say that it's          an accident waiting to happen is, if you ask me, the understatement of          the Venetian year.
Cashing in on Superstition
         Before I left for Venice, an Italian-American friend suggested I refrain          from killing any spiders on my trip because Italians are very superstitions,          she said, and believe that arachnids equal earning power. This would be          a tall order because my own personal superstition about spiders is that          they equal bites. While I did unfairly assassinate one such creature in          my hotel room over the course of my month afar, I also spared one when          I got home and spirited him out of doors, to safety (for the both of us).          My change of heart was inspired by a Venetian friend who, on my last night          in Venice and my last dinner at her house, saw a not-so-small spider tiptoeing          across the TV screen and instantly scooped him up in her bare hands and          dropped him out the nearest open window with a cheerful, "Oh, a spider!          They bring money." So to test this theory, I'll now be doing the          same. I'll let you know how it works out. Lord knows I could always use          help where the replenishing flow of currency is concerned.
A Venetian's Life
         Life in Venice is expensive and intrusive. Around every corner there likely          lurks a tourist or two (me being one of them), at the very least. Many          armed with the latest high-tech camera or video recorder, ready and aiming          to capture anything and everything that passes before their electronic          eyes (my photography isn't quite so brazenly invasive, or so I hope).          Your laundry, your life; you (and anything you may have once displayed          in the public's field of vision) are destined for someone else's photo          album and holiday DVD. The privacy we take for granted elsewhere is nowhere          to be found in a city such as Venice. It is no wonder that the Venetians          are a seemingly cold bunch, apt to hide and quick to dart down the nearest          alley and out of view.
Questions? Ask away! Please use the comments feature to ask questions rather than contacting Marisa directly. That way everyone can learn a thing or two, too.



